(Note: Dear church, this is a post in progress. Please ask before sharing. Thank you. -Ben)

How To Lovingly Confront Sin (Church Discipline)

"My brothers, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who truns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." (James 5:19-20)

Pre-Step: Judge Yourself Rightly aka. Log Removal

You cannot see clearly to “take the speck out” of your brother/sister’s eye if you do not first take the “log” out of your own eye (Matthew 7:1-5). Identifying sin and confessing to God in repentance should happen with regularity for the Christian (1 John 1:9), but it should happen especially when it is time to confront sin. How are you going to help point someone to confession and repentance when you are not doing it yourself? Christian parents struggle with this all the time. Before you engage in loving confrontation, examine yourself to see if you have the right motive, and are aware of temptation. Do this by comparing yourself to the “mirrors” of Christ (2 Cor. 3:18), and the Scripture (James 1:22-25). 

Right Motive

• As a fellow sinner (Rom. 7:14-25)
• In Love (1 Cor. 13:1-3)
• To Restore (Gal. 6:1)
• Christ-Exalting (2 Cor. 4:5; Col. 1:28-29; Col. 2:8ff)
• The Gospel as Central (2 Cor. 5:11-21; Eph. 6:10-18)
• Ready to Forgive Immediately in Christ (Matt. 18:21-35)
• Goal: Knowing Christ More (Phil. 3:8-21)

Avoiding Temptation

• Pride (Gal. 6:1b-4)
• Gossip (Prov. 6:16-19; 26:20-28)
• Legalism- i.e. Law with no Gospel (2 Cor. 3-4:6)
• Condemning (Rom. 8:1)

Step One: Confront One-on-One (Matt. 18:15)

Introduction

• If the person’s sin involved someone else, make sure you have heard from both parties, or have both parties present (Prov. 18:17). If you are not able to meet with all parties at the same time, wisdom requires that you wait until you have spoken with everyone before you come to a conclusion.
• If you did not witness the sin first-hand, listen before you speak. You may be corrected (Prov. 18:13)

Application

• Be clear.  Don’t "beat around the bush.” Truthful (Eph. 4:25)
• Be specific. Don’t generalize. Since you’re confronting a person, speak to and about the person. 
• Be loving. (1 Corinthians 13. John 15:13)
• Be gracious. Be careful NOT to treat your brother/sister with less patience than Christ has had with you. 

Result

• If the brother/sister “listens” (understands, agrees, obeys) to you, by confessing to God (1 John 1:9), and turning from their error, then forgive them completely as God does, and you are reconciled again in Christ (Matt. 18:21-35). 
• If the brother/sister does not listen to you, proceed to Step Two 

Step Two: Bring a Couple Others (1-2) to Help (Matt. 18:16)

Introduction

• Make sure the others you bring with you begin by "judging themselves rightly" according to the "Pre-Step" listed above. 

The Others are Added To Help You

• You may have still have blindspots and/or potential error. 
• It is biblical to have others verify your observations (Matt. 18:16b cf. Deut. 19:15)

The Others are Added to Help Your Brother/Sister

• More light is more helpful for the Christian (Eph. 5:11-15)
• They might listen to different people other than you. In God’s providence and our personalities, no single Christian can reach all types of people the same way. Ultimately Jesus is Savior, not us. 

• If the brother/sister “listens” (understands, agrees, obeys) to you, by confessing to God (1 John 1:9), and turning from their error, then forgive them completely as God does, and you are reconciled again in Christ (Matt. 18:21-35). 
• If the brother/sister does not listen to you, proceed to Step Three 

Step Three: Send the Church to Help (Matt. 18:17)

(Note: The church should be an identifiable group of people who are committed to the individual who is being restored. This is typically accomplished by formalized church membership (See Church Membership Class Notes).) 

Introduction

• Since the church is led by Pastors/Elders (1 Peter 5:2; Acts 20:28; 1 Tim. 5:17), then it is the Pastors authority and responsibility to oversee this step and the next (if necessary). 
• Church Members should be reminded to go through the "Pre-Step" listed above, in guarding themselves from temptation. Gossip, especially, can be destructive at this point. The Book of Proverbs warns explicitly against the sin of gossip (Prov. 6:16-19; 26:20-28). 

Tell the Church (Matt. 18:17a)

• Tell the Church the report of sin, that has been confirmed by witnesses in Step Two. 
• Tell the Church that the brother/sister has not listened/submitted to the loving conversations in Step One and Two. 

Send the Church (Matt. 18:17b)

• The church being sent to the individual is understood when observing that the prerequisite for proceeding to Step Four is that there was "refusal to listen to the church." (Matt. 18:17)
• Illustration: In a football game, this would be considered an "All out Blitz." In an Emergency Room, this would be the Defribulator Stage to jumpstart Spiritual Life. 
• The church members are to individually seek the restoration of the erring brother/sister by calling them to confession (agree with God’s Word) and repentance (desire to discontinue) of their sin.

Result

• If the brother/sister “listens” (understands, agrees, obeys) to you, by confessing to God (1 John 1:9), and turning from their error, then forgive them completely as God does, and you are reconciled again in Christ (Matt. 18:21-35).
• If the brother/sister does not listen to you, proceed to Step Four

Step Four: Inability to Affirm Faith (Matt. 18:17)

If the brother/sister has refused to listen/submit to Christ and His Word when a) confronted individually, b) when affirmed by two or three more, and c) when Christ’s whole body (the church) has pursued them, then there is no reason left to affirm the person’s profession of faith. Jesus commands the church to treat them as a non-believer (Matt. 18:17b). This includes:

• Loving the sinner and remain willing to evangelize
• Removing from Church Membership
• Telling the church you cannot affirm their faith
• Warning the church to be clear on this distinction
• Warning the individual to refrain from the Lord’s Table
• Being ready and willing to fully restore and be reconciled if the person returns to Christ (Matt. 18:21-35; Luke 15:11-24). 

This step is obviously very difficult, which is why Jesus promises that if the church has done Church Discipline faithfully, then heaven agrees (Matt. 18:18), God the Father agrees (Matt. 18:19), and Christ agrees (Matt. 18:20). 

Result

• If the brother/sister “listens” (understands, agrees, obeys) to you, by confessing to God (1 John 1:9), and turning from their error, then forgive them completely as God does, and you are reconciled again in Christ (Matt. 18:21-35).
• If the brother/sister does not listen to you, there are no other steps except to continue to pray for and evangelize the same way you would do for any other non-believer.