A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle. (Prov. 18:19)

Have you ever experienced a conflict with someone that appeared to be impossible to resolve? Did it ever seem like talking/arguing about it made it worse? How have you handled it? Thankfully, those who know Jesus Christ have hope. God, in Proverbs, can help you discern whether you are Wise, or a Fool.

The next time you're in a conflict, or communication in a relationship is hindered, consider the following counsel from Proverbs 18, obey it, and be surprised at the power and the glory of God revealed to you. For those who you make it through with, they will be a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov. 18:24).

1. Don't Leave/Walkout Early 

Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Prov. 18:1)

I wonder how many people have prematurely left jobs, relationships, and sadly, churches. When you are in a conflict, you will be tempted to hide, run away, or give the silent treatment. Can you imagine if God responded to us that way? He is slow to anger and abounding in love (Ex. 34:6-7), and He did not stop pursuing us until we were reconciled with Him through the Person and Work of Jesus Christ. 

2. Listen First 

A fool takes no pleasure in understanding; but only in expressing his opinion. (Prov. 18:2)

3. Confess Your Sin 

When a wicked man comes, contempt also comes, and with dishonor comes disgrace. (Prov. 18:3)

4. Seek Wisdom More than Witnesses 

The words of a man's mouth are deep mysterious waters; the fountain of wisdom is a roaring river. (Prov. 18:4)

If you have limited time and energy, why would spend it in pursuit of the words of men which require much labor to fully understand them, and labor for them to understand you? Spend your time seeking wisdom (primarily in God's Word, and Bible people), where God will respond with liberality (James 1:5).

5. Don't Take the Wrong Side 

It is not good to be partial to the wicked, or to deprive the righteous of justice. (Prov. 18:5)

6. Words Have Consequences 

A fool's lips come with strife, and his mouth invites a beating.

A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul. (Prov. 18:6-7)

The toothpaste illustration is well-known: once you squeeze it out, you can't put it back in. Words are the same. You need to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (James 1:19-20). 

7. Gossip is Tasty Poison 

The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body. (Prov. 18:8)

Gossip is real bad, and needs to be avoided (Prov. 6:16-19).

8. You Must Work at this Diligently 

Whoever is slack in his work, is a brother to him who destroys. (Prov. 18:9)

9. Flee to Christ! You Will be Safe 

The name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run into it and are safe. (Prov. 18:10)

If you remain in Christ, entrusting yourself to Him (1 Peter 2:23, 4:19), and submitting yourself to Him, He will guard you, protect you, and bless you (1 Peter 3:13-14). He has experienced trials worse than this, and can therefore give you mercy and grace to stand up while under it (Heb. 4:14-16; 1 Cor. 10:13)

10. Don't Hide Behind Your Resources 

A rich man's wealth is his strong city, and like a high wall in his imagination. (Prov. 18:11)

11. Be Humble 

Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humilty comes before honor. (Prov. 18:12)

12. Don't Speak Until You've Listened 

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (Prov. 18:13)

This might be the second most quoted Proverb that I share when counseling communication. The first is: 

13. Don't Speak Until You've Listened to All Sides 

The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him. (Prov. 18:17)

14. Don't Exceed What is Necessary to Cure 

A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? (Prov. 18:14)

There is a fine line between reconciliation and retribution. Make sure you know where it is. If you seek to be reconciled, the other party will more likely endure it. But if you intention is to "make them pay," then you will take away all hope. 

15. Ask the Right Questions 

An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. (Prov. 18:15)

16. Being Giving Will Gain Access 

A man's gift makes room for him, and brings him before the great. (Prov. 18:16)

17. Get an Arbiter if Necessary 

The lot puts an end to quarrels, and decides between powerful contenders. (Prov. 19:18)

It is rarely wrong to find an objective party to mediate and/or make a decision between you two, if you are at a standoff. 

18. Good Words Yield Good Fruit 

From the fruit of a man's mouth, his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips. 

Death and life and in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Prov. 18:20-21)

19. Don't Despise God's Grace to You

He who find a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD. (Prov. 18:22)

How fitting is this verse, nestled in a section on conflict and communication? In conflict, a husband may forget that his wife is a good gift from the Lord, and in conflict, you may forget that the other person is the same (Rom. 8:28). 

20. Your Phrases Reveal Your Heart.

The poor use entreaties, but the rich answer roughly (Prov. 18:23)

The method of communication reveals what people think about themsleves. Those who view themselves as poor, compared to you, speak with entreaties and questions. But those who see themselves as rich, compared to you, speak in unalterable statements. Pride or Humility may be expressed in tone. 

Result: Intimacy

A man of many companions comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Prov. 18:24)

When it comes to relationships, most people see quantity as a better indicator than quality. But that's wrong. What matters, is the depth of your relationships, and that depth can only be tested and revealed by... conflict.